why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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