i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
