So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
