Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You took a bar mat shot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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