Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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