Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
