So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
