Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
