i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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