What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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