we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
