I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
