So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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