Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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