I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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