He called his prostate his "boner button".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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