Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
