my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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