i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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