I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
