Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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