Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
