I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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