found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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