Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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