Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
