I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
