is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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