Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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