You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
