My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
