First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
