i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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