i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
