I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
