OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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