he puts the penis in happiness.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
