i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
