i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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