Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
