Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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