I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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