I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
