oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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