Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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