Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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