Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
