i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sex in a hospital.. check
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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