before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
