I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
