he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
