she woke up with a sticky ear
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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