just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
