Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
