I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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